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Literature Text
Drums.
Nothing but a whisper in the night, mere background sound to the beauty of her breathing, the prelude of yet another sleepless night.
Quiet but hostile.
In close measure with his heart, they delayed over the hollowness of his ribs; among their raw bleakness they found echo to spread through, beat by beat, in a cancer-like stupor.
He reached for her.
His own breathing nothing more than chocked up songs he kept whistling, and maybe if held onto her he wouldn't be forced to do it. Not tonight, when impish shadows crept near in daring temptation.
War drums.
Doom booming announcers and authors of his insomnia. This was just the prelude, not the war, just the prelude. And he wouldn't fight tonight. After all, it was so much better giving up a scar marred skin.
Nothing but a whisper in the night, mere background sound to the beauty of her breathing, the prelude of yet another sleepless night.
Quiet but hostile.
In close measure with his heart, they delayed over the hollowness of his ribs; among their raw bleakness they found echo to spread through, beat by beat, in a cancer-like stupor.
He reached for her.
His own breathing nothing more than chocked up songs he kept whistling, and maybe if held onto her he wouldn't be forced to do it. Not tonight, when impish shadows crept near in daring temptation.
War drums.
Doom booming announcers and authors of his insomnia. This was just the prelude, not the war, just the prelude. And he wouldn't fight tonight. After all, it was so much better giving up a scar marred skin.
138 words
And not finished.
Something that came out during one of my Prompts.
Although this is far too poetic for the prompt and I know if I kept going on with this, I would delay over his agony and that's not the point but the channel.
Little interruptions between big blocks of text: give rhythm or break the rhythm?
I wanted it to look and sound like drums because they triggered the whole situation.
Sounds like going insane?
I often find myself fascinated with the process of going 'insane', for each mind is unique and... well, I don't know, I find it interesting.
Should I finish this?
I stopped here because it sounded wrong to keep going, I think if I added anything else it would seriously damage the piece.
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Comments5
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'...among their raw bleakness they found [*an/the] echo to spread through, beat by beat, in a cancer-like stupor.'
'His own breathing [*was] nothing more than chocked up songs he kept whistling, and maybe if [*he] held onto her he wouldn't be forced to do it.' Careful to keep all the tenses the same, it's so easy to slip between past and present tense. In this line, I'm also not sure about 'he kept whistling' - is there a reason why he kept whistling, maybe he doesn't mean to? This could be added to the description to give it something more solid.
Short and to the point, this is what flash fiction should be. I think it works as it is and no, it doesn't need to be continued. The 'little breaks', as =Tuttlebird said, could be worked into the beginning of the sentences rather than stand out on there - I don't think it would really make much difference. Otherwise, this is pretty well done. A nice little insight to an aspect of someone's life.
'His own breathing [*was] nothing more than chocked up songs he kept whistling, and maybe if [*he] held onto her he wouldn't be forced to do it.' Careful to keep all the tenses the same, it's so easy to slip between past and present tense. In this line, I'm also not sure about 'he kept whistling' - is there a reason why he kept whistling, maybe he doesn't mean to? This could be added to the description to give it something more solid.
Short and to the point, this is what flash fiction should be. I think it works as it is and no, it doesn't need to be continued. The 'little breaks', as =Tuttlebird said, could be worked into the beginning of the sentences rather than stand out on there - I don't think it would really make much difference. Otherwise, this is pretty well done. A nice little insight to an aspect of someone's life.