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Submitted on
June 7, 2011
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I'm not enough.

I'm not super-human, not a hero either.  I'm just me. Me. And what I am might not be what you need.

But I'll try.

I can promise you as much. I can try to be what you need and I can do it for the rest of my life. If I could just nearly be what you need, what he was, it'll be enough. It has to be enough because I'm not the perfect piece, I'm misshaped and confused and so madly in love with you.

Yet I'm not him.
I'll never be.

You loved him. And part of you, the one he took, always will. I can only hope the small part left can learn not to long after the one missing. I can only hope it'll learn to move on and someday - perhaps who knows? – will notice me.

Sometimes I just… I… I just want to be everything to you.
Stupid huh?

People don't call me a fool for no reason, you know? Though I prefer to think of myself as an idealist and show them wrong. I know... I know they're wrong. I can be everything to somebody else; I can fulfil my lover's every need and protect them.
Maybe they just think of me as a fool because of you.

The broken-hearted girl.

The girl that missed love before she could understand it; but that's exactly what they don't understand about you, how can someone miss love? Well… I don't know either. All I know is with time I fell in love with you and you're in love with what you miss and it just…

It sucks, you know?

To want to be the one who protects you and is everything to you, the one who sees you happy… and not being able to do it. It really sucks. Even worse - I can't explain it without tripping on clichés and all the movie-like cheesiness – while in all honesty, it's partially true.

Ask how many times I tried letting go of you.
Two hundred and three times.

Yeah, I'm counting them. By now you'd think I'd have some practice and could break free of this addiction, if you did think that you're wrong. Time and practice don't make it easier if not, they just make it worst. It's as if you've got some long distance remote control over me and it's annoying.

I hate that the first person I run to show my latest conquest is you.
I hate that the first person I tell about my problems is you.
I love that you praise me.
I love when you comfort me.

I'm hopeless, really. I love you, broken-hearted girl. You make it all more difficult to stop doing it when you're so nice to me, you keep me by your side and you're completely oblivious of what you're doing. You drive me crazy!

I'm sorry.
I love you.
487 words,
The broken-hearted girl.


I'd like to thankeveryone who has faved or commented on this work, not to mention the amazing people behind DLD for featuring me.

Thank you so much.
:)

This monstrousity is something my newly discovered muse, Gabriel, wrote a while back and which I had ignored until now.

I've been debating either to hide this forever or to submit it. I mean, it sounds like a real person and a real problem, not at all made up.


Gender of the Narrator's voice?

This was written from a guy's pov, though now I'm worried it may not seem so. Whenever I read this I hear a male voice in my head...

...as a visual piece?

How would you change the way the sentenes were displayed? Personally, I'm not content with it. Not a 100%, at least. Although I can't put my finger on how would I change it if I could.

Anyways,
enjoy:bulletblue:

Recently I've found a piece that strikes as true; life is to be lived while we can, in the here and now. So... I left a critique, hopefully it has been of some help for the author.

One Chance
By ~Rieal-Dragonsbane
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:iconlifewithsubtitles:
LifeWithSubtitles Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2011  Student Writer
Vey nice :) I liked the concept and the emotion behind this. xx
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:iconartybluegirl:
artybluegirl Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2011  Student General Artist
Thank you so much :giggle:
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2011
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
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:iconartybluegirl:
artybluegirl Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2011  Student General Artist
:giggles:

Thank you, :) it's beyond words.
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2011
You're welcome! :heart:
Reply
:iconfragmentedreams:
FragmenteDreams Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2011  Student Writer
Heyo. Just answering your questions, and stuff.

I definitely saw the narrator as a guy. A desperate, attention-seeking, somewhat pathetic male. To me he sounded trapped, trapped by his desire for the "broken-hearted girl", and it didn't sound like he liked it.

Although I've never been much for visuals, I think one thing I would've done would've been to put an extra line or two between the sentences "Yet, I'm not him" and "I'll never be". That would seem to suggest a more, uh, final outlook on the statement just made, as though the narrator is taking the time to admit something he knows is true but doesn't like. I'd also probably do the same for the other areas where you have two short sentences put in two separate lines next to each other, with the exception of the last two lines, since I think those are more powerful read immediately after each other.

My general thoughts on this piece was that, indeed, parts of it were cheesy, but the fact that the narrator acknowledges that fact makes it powerful. Somehow, it strikes a chord in me that the narrator realizes that his attempts to express his love are cliche and overused, and yet he presses on despite that realization, because that's just how powerful his love truly is. I'm not really a fan of the third-to-last sentence ("You drive me crazy!), because I really don't think you need the italics to drive home your point, since I think that's a little too much emphasis on a single word and makes the narrator come off as a little too excited compared to the rest of the piece, which struck me as more resigned and reflective. Overall, I liked it, but I'd recommend going through the piece again and picking out typos, since there were a few I spotted in there. Nice job overall.
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:iconartybluegirl:
artybluegirl Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2011  Student General Artist
Thank you!
It's not usual to get such a detailed review, really.

I didn't expect it to be perfect and honestly never even attempted to edit it due to my fear of it. The italics in 'crazy' were a bit like overreacting, huh? Ouch. He isn't excited, at all I might add.

About the short sentences... that'll be tough. I mean, feeling, right? They're sometimes short and hard to explain but I'll see what I can do about it although what was written is pretty much what he has to say.

And yes, you nailed the meaning of this piece. His own desperate desire for someone he might never have. No wonder I wanted to hide this, he does come across as a bit pitiful, doesn't he?

Thanks for the review!
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:iconfragmentedreams:
FragmenteDreams Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011  Student Writer
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconlightninquick:
lightninquick Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
I'm glad you shared this... Thank you! I definitely sounds like a real person who's fallen in love with someone they can't have. Well done!
Reply
:iconartybluegirl:
artybluegirl Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2011  Student General Artist
Thanks!
Now I'm somewhat glad that my certainty of its truthness overcame my embarassment. (:
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